Muffin Wars
by mcfritzl
Summary: Something I came up with with some friends who gave me the idea, enjoy!


As the sun sank below the horizon the animals of the night began to emerge from their dark hiding places. The owls awoke from their slumber and spread their wings, taking flight into the beautiful night's sky in search of food. The crickets began to sing their song as the Whippoorwills soared gracefully through the sky, their small bodies barely visible in the moons silver glow. The trees swayed in the wind as a gale began to blow through the hills of the countryside, foreshadowing the storm that was soon to come. Dark clouds could be seen in the distance, being blown by the gale, ever faster, towards the little cottage that was nestled into the side of a small hill.

The cottage had two stories and was made out of brown stone that many often mistook for roof was triangularly shaped and covered with wooden slats so any rain could run down easily. It had only two windows, one on the second story allowing a view from the bedroom and one next to the door, both had dark blue curtains across them, preventing unwanted eyes from seeing in. Beside the cottage stood a tall oak tree, it's branches stretching out like gnarled hands in every direction, some even reaching over the house as if trying to grasp something.

Inside, a candle shone dimly on a medium sized, beautifully hand carved, desk. On a chair in front of the desk a small creature, of about two feet in height, stood -it being barely tall enough to see over the top of the desk while sitting down. It had soft, short orange fur, it's ears were shaped like a cat's. It's eyes were large and a soft brown color and it's slender, orange furred, tail came out behind it.

The creature heaved a sigh as it stared down at a stack of papers on the desk.  
"Finally finished that" the small creature said softly too itself as it hopped off the chair onto the wooden floor and walked towards a flight of stairs, a few yards away.  
"Need to eat something before I head to bed", it continued on as it walked down the stairs.  
When it reached the bottom of the steps it's cat-like ears perked up as the sound of creaking wood came from the top of the stairs. The orange furred creature turned just as a large, razor toothed muffin leaped off the top step towards it. The creature's brown eyes flashed with the realization of what was happening and reacted quickly by sidestepping to the left and watched as the muffin collided with the floor. Hissing angrily, the muffin quickly recovered from the fall by rolling forward and pushing itself up into a flip, landing easily on its two short legs.  
"It's a pleasure to finally meet the legendary Ottsel I've heard so much about" the muffin said as an evil smile crept across it's face.  
"General Mcfritzl of the Bennarii, said to have attacked the muffin stronghold alone and managed to get away alive. It truly is an honor" the muffin continued, with a mock tone in it's voice.  
"Ah, you know so much about me and yet I know naught of you" the orange creature said as it moved back a step.  
"All you need to know is that I was sent here by the Muffin Man to exterminate you."  
"Oh, so you're a spawn of that devil. That leaves me no choice but to destroy then."  
The muffin frowned then charged manically at the Ottsel, with it's arms outstretched, ready to tear the Ottsel apart with their razor sharp claws on the end. The Ottsel leaped towards the charging muffin, tackling it to the ground. The muffin groaned as it hit the floor with Mcfritzl on top of it. Mcfritzl pinned the muffin's arms to the floor and pressed his knee into the muffin's middle.  
"Now, how many of you are here?" Mcfritzl asked the muffin with a stern look in his eyes.  
"You'll be finding out soon enough" the muffin replied as it whistled hissed as the muffin whistled then quickly ate it before it could do anymore damage. He turned to look up the stairs as he wiped the crumbs off his face. His eyes widened as three muffins appeared at the top of the steps.  
"Not good" he said as he turned around and ran for a wooden door on the other side of the room.

He began running on all fours towards the door, leaping over the wooden table that stood in the middle of the room between the door and him. He landed on the other side of the table gracefully and continued running without breaking stride. He slid to a stop in front of the door and grabbed the door's handle and pulled it open. As he opened the door and slid through the open space he looked back to see the three muffins reaching the bottom of the steps and turning to race toward him. He closed the door and quickly descended the steps to another door as the bottom. Just before he reached the bottom he stopped and jumped and grabbed onto a small ledge above the door and pulled himself through a small open space above the door. He slipped through the small space dropped to the floor on the other side, turning quickly to make sure the large wooden bar was in the two pieces of metal on either side of the door to keep it securely shut.

The room Mcfritzl was now in was dark and books seemed to cover every surface. They were piled in stacks on the floor, shelves, and numerous desks. He alternated between walking and crawling as he moved towards the wall on the opposite side of the room. He moved faster as he suddenly heard the muffins pounding against the door. Moving quickly Mcfritzl picked up a book with the title 'Interstellar Relations' and opened it, revealing a electronic keypad with a screen above it. He pressed a series of buttons on the keypad then watched as the screen flickered for a moment then cleared up to reveal a young woman who looked to be in her early twenties.

"Cano, I have a situation here" Mcfritzl said to the woman on the screen.  
"What's wrong?" Cano said her, voice sounding slightly worried as it came through a speaker beside the keypad.  
"A group of muffins have broken in, there were four that I know of I got one but there's most likely more. I'm going to need backup."  
"Alright, I'll send the 12th division over!"  
"Tell em' to hurry they've almost broken through the basement door, I'll try and hold them off till they get here."  
"They'll arrive in a matter of minutes, we're already preparing the portal jump to your dimension."  
"I'll notify you when we're done here then."

Cano nodded as Mcfritzl pressed a button on the keypad, turning the screen blank. He closed the book then put it down on another stack of books as the banging on the door got louder and began to crack. He opened another book and pulled a silver pistol from the cut out middle along with a similar one from another book.  
"Come and get it" Mcfritzl said as the wooden bar finally gave way and the door burst open withthe muffins charging in. He aimed his two pistols at the nearest muffin and fired, sending two blueberry flavored jelly beans into the muffin stopping it dead in it's tracks. The other two muffins stopped momentarily as their comrade fell to the floor but continued on quickly. Mcfritzl did a back flip onto a stack of books as the muffins moved closer, and fired two more jelly beans, finishing the two remaining muffins. He looked up the staircase as he heard gunfire coming from the room above and smiled as he realized it must be the 12th division.  
"You better not be putting holes in my house" he hollered loudly as he raced up the stairs."Wouldn't dream of it" a tall man in a dark leather jacket with matching pants and boots saidas he rested the barrel of a shotgun across his shoulder.  
"Well if it isn't Captain Roland of the 12th division, it's been a while" Mcfritzl said as hesurveyed the room which was now covered in holes and the bodies of finished off muffins "how many?"  
"Eight muffins down, we suffered zero casualties, General" Roland replied with a crooked grin on his face.  
"How many came with you?"  
"Just me."  
Mcfritzl gave him a look that suggested slight disbelief and said "you took all these muffinsdown yourself?"  
Captain Roland tilted his head to the side indicating the shotgun and said "it does it's job well."  
Mcfritzl laughed, "so it would seem."  
"These don't look like normal muffins though, I think they may be a new breed" Captain Roland saidas he crouched down and looked at one of the motionless muffins on the floor.  
"We'll need to send out intelligence units to find out about them and how they found this place"Mcfritzl said quietly, "Captain Roland, go back to base and tell the Imperial Strategist, Cano,everything. I don't want something like this happening again."  
"Aye, General" the captain said while saluting "should a call a clean up crew as well?"  
"No, the muffins know where this place is now so it's time to relocate. We'll leave everything, as far as the muffins will know, we were never really here" Mcfritzl said as he moved towards the door "get a jump ready, lets get out of here."  
"One trans-dimensional warp coming right up" Captain Roland said grinning as he pressed a few buttons on a device wrapped around his wrist. Mcfritzl tossed the two pistols he was holding onto the floor and smiled as there was a bright flash as the jump began and both he and Captain Roland disappeared.


End file.
